Sunday, 25 December 2016

Other Stories

Hello, hi it's me again back from super long hiatus. No one actually notice but I've been gone from this platform for quite long time that made me feel like I miss writing. Life's been treating me good and bad this year, too many things happened and I wanted to tell you some of 'em.

So, back in the October 2015, there was this guy. A new guy. He and his 'hello' just came unexpectedly, in a random night. My peaceful, casual night. He introduced himself as my friend's close friend. And I was just, okay, I think I knew this guy before. I thought it was just because he's quite often mentioned in my friend's social media so I got over it, he was a total new person.

And months past by after that 'hello', which I never planned to be the nicest 'hello' after a long time. In other random night, my friend told me that he was the guy whom I adore by his singing. And that was when I knew why I feel I knew him before. He wasn't a total new guy. And I think I liked him even long before he noticed I was exist.

Long story short, he captured this tiny heart just like that. He didn't even need to try. He was living in other town, so we didn't see each other many times, It was just he and his pure intentions ensured me to step on the next chapter of my story. All I know was a blank paper, it was all dull before I knew him and he made me write poems again. He sang songs, I wrote lines. We were crazy about each other.

Things went well at that time. It was always a good time whenever he's around. He was my best friend, my happy pills, he made me the happiest person by only his presence. He was also my confession box, I told him things I love, things I never told to anyone. I became the truest version of myself in front of him. The version of me that is not all pretty. And that was the problem, I guess.

As you may guess in the first place, I always tell you a story that already ended.
The good times ticking so fast, I couldn't keep running to reach them. He started to lose interest. Maybe I was too easy to reach, maybe I wasn't enough, maybe he was just out of my league.  He told me he had enough, he wasn't happy anymore. So he said goodbye. Another 'goodbye' that I thought I wouldn't have to hear anymore.

And suddenly all I remember was his warm hands wrapped mine. The thought of not being able to reach his hands hit me hard. The pain was excrutiating, and sadly I feel familiar to that kind of pain.

I never tell anyone about how I truly feel about things that has happened. I never tell anyone about how I feel now. But maybe you know now. I managed myself to live like it wasn't hurt me that much. But it's been 6 months, and I still writing about him while he may be looking for other stories.

Wednesday, 22 April 2015


Kamu begitu saja terhapus, memudar tanpa usaha yang terlalu keras. 
Kamu begitu saja hilang dari ingatan. 
Seperti kehilanganmu itu hal yang tidak melukai hatinya barang sedikit saja. 
Kamu seperti lipatan kertas yang memang akan dibuang. Tidak mempengaruhi apapun. 
Tidak perlu diusahakan untuk kembali rapi, toh akan dibuang.
Kamu bernafas, kamu melihat, kamu mendengar, kamu tahu, kamu diam.
Ikhlas katanya, rela nantinya.
 Lalu kebohongan yang mana lagi yang mau kamu bilang? Kamu bahagia? Kamu lupa? 
Bohong kamu. 
Ah bukan,  kamu tidak bohong, kamu hanya tidak sadar. 
Malam pekat, malam dingin, kamu terjaga entah untuk apa. 
Tidak menangis, tidak tertawa, tidak berduka, tidak bahagia. Kosong kamu. 
Kenapa? Kamu lelah menjawab. Bosan menjawab. 
Kamu tahu kamu cinta. Tapi yang ada dahaga. 
Kamu tahu kamu luka. Tapi yang ada tawa. 
Sudah pura-puranya. 
Kamu aku.
Aku tahu.

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Yes, I Remember

This kind of thing is sooooo last year i know, i read someone's notes on his socmed account and now im trying to answer based on what i remember about him. 

Do you remember?

1. Where you and I met?
i met you everywhere. but i remember the first time i saw you, we were grade 11. it was in your class, i was there to accompany my friend collecting money for an event class to class. my friend ever told me about you before and i remembered it was your class so there you are sitting on the corner of the class. i saw you in a glance, it wasnt more than 3 seconds then i left. i was like, "oh."
i remember the very first time we went out before we're actually dating. so it was in the mall and we decided to watch Narnia. you came late for like 15 mins, and i remember i didnt mind, at all. but i got that burst in my nerve to see you, i was too nervo so my face looked like i was so not happy that you're late. i remember what you wore. i remember the look on your face seeing me waiting for you. 
2. How long have you known me?
ive known you for 4,5 years.

3. The last time we saw each other?
almost 4 months ago. too excited to watch hunger games:mockingjay and i thought youve never watched it before, then you said youve had, twice.  and it was like spoiler spoiler everywhereee. but once again, i dont mind, at all. it is always nice to do things with you.

4. Your first impression of me upon meeting/seeing me?
".....oh there you are." nothing too special but i love the way you smile.
5. Am I funny?
yes, indeed. youve made me laugh a lot.
6. What's my favorite music?
there's a time when you fond of edm a lot, until now probably but not that much.

7. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else(what)?
the grumpy one because you look so unhappy when im around
8. Have you ever hugged me?
yes, a lot.

9. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?

10. If you and I were stranded on an island, what would I bring?

your smartphone and indomie.

11. Where do you think I will be in 25 years?

so it means youre 45 yrs old. still in jakarta i guess, or any other big city, youre happily married to one fine lady and raise 2 or 3 grown-up kids. and be living a successful life, cause i know youre the most hardworker and you know what you do and you love that. youll be everyone's favorite boss and trustworthy client. youll be an amazing husband and lovely father. cause i know youve been a really good guy ive ever met after my father. and i know youll be wanted and youll be missed.